


Beloved Mourning

by Donovanspen



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality talks, M/M, Post-Canon, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:39:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28466190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: When a young Warlock goes missing in an enchanted forest, Magnus and Alec cancel their holiday plans to try to rescue him.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

“All right,” Alec announced, stepping into the study. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

“My, don’t you look handsome,” Magnus said as he looked up from his desk.

“Well, I should. You picked out my clothes and had them set out for me.”

“And apparently, I chose well.”

“How long do we have to stay?” Alec asked as he tugged at his cuffs. He didn’t mind getting dressed up, and as much as he grumbled about it, he really did like it when Magnus selected outfits for him. However, he would much rather spend tonight at home with his husband than attend a holiday party. His mother had embraced the festive spirit, and both Clary and Simon being raised as mundanes meant Jace and Izzy were also now caught up in all the hype. Alec had always been content with the level of celebrating they usually did. Quiet acknowledgment of the season, some festive meals and a low-key gift exchange. He also knew that being with Magnus would bring a certain amount of flair, but his husband seemed to know his limits.

“Oh, don’t be like that. Your mother is so excited. She’s been planning this party for weeks. Besides, if you go to this one, you won’t have to stay as long at the others.”

“Others? What others? I thought this was the only thing.”

“No,” Magnus murmured. “I never said that. However, as it stands, you may need to go on your own and extend my apologies.”

“What? Excuse me?” Alec couldn’t have heard him correctly. There was no way that Magnus just said that Alec was to attend this event without him. Not after insisting that he go and even going as far as to pick out his clothes. “Why?”

“It seems duty calls. I have been asked to help locate a young Warlock who has gone missing.”

“Gone missing? What happened?”

“Apparently, Gregor was looking for a rare flower that only blooms this time a year, with the peak being during the winter solstice and leading up to Christmas day. This is when the plant is the most potent.”

“And you don’t know what happened to him, and you’re the only one who can go?” He was missing something.

“The reason this flower is so rare is because it is very difficult to get. It grows in an enchanted forest in northern Canada. Only a handful of the most experienced Warlocks have been able to get this flower over the past few centuries.”

Alec kept staring at him, waiting for more.

“This area of the forest has been enchanted by a Warlock who plants and cultivates the flowers. He does not take kindly to outsiders invading his space.”

“And they’ve asked you to go.” It was more of a statement as Alec already knew the answer.

Magnus gave a little shrug as he began to fiddle with some items on his desk.

“Because,” Alec prompted.

“I may have been one of the few Warlocks to have successfully enter the forest and retrieve a bloom, but that was many years ago. Most who attempt go missing and turn up a few years later with no memory of their time lost.”

“How come I’ve never heard of this place before? Or this flower? What can it do?”

“Not everything has to go through the Clave,” Magnus explained. “The various parts of the flower can be used for many powerful spells, many old spells that aren’t practiced anymore due to a lack of ingredients or expertise. But in the right hands….”

“Is this flower bad?”

“No,” he replied. “No one can really access it enough for it to be banned.”

“But what if this guy succeeds? What if he succeeds in getting this flower and then creating some potion that causes a lot of harm?”

“Then the Warlock community would handle it. But that’s not the case, otherwise they wouldn’t have called for my help.”

“Are you actually considering going? You just said Warlocks go missing and don’t show up for years.”

“Well, hopefully, I can prevent that from happening.”

“Magnus.” Alec couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His husband was sending him off to a holiday dinner while he risked his life in some woods in Canada. “Well then, I’m going with you.”

“Alexander, I can’t take a Shadowhunter to this forest.”

Of all the things Magnus could have said to him, that hurt quite a bit. “I’m your husband. Do you really think I would let you go off on your own and possibly disappear for years?”

“Alexander, the Warlock who oversees the enchantment is not inherently evil. Hear me out,” Magnus insisted when Alec gave him a dubious look. “He was married, and his wife planted and tended these flowers. They kept to themselves and at the time, the flowers were not that powerful. They both channeled much of their magic and energy into this area, building it up as a safe haven for themselves. When she died, part of that power was lost, and therefore the place is not as secure as it had been. However, a great deal of her essence went into the plants that she tended. When people trespass into this forest for the sake of getting this flower, Mordecai takes it as a personal affront. The fact that these people are found alive later shows that he exercises a measure of restraint.”

“How did you avoid the memory loss?”

“Even in my younger days, I was quite powerful. Mordecai did not wish to engage in a battle with me.”

“So, he just let you go?”

“I didn’t say it was all cordial, but we eventually got there.”

“I’m not letting you go without me.”

“I didn’t realize we were at the point where I needed to ask your permission.”

“You know it’s not like that. How am I supposed to feel about you being in danger when I could help?”

“You could try remembering that I am an incredibly powerful High Warlock, and I’m more than capable of taking care of myself.”

“But you’re not just a High Warlock. You’re a husband as well. _My_ husband. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

Magnus’s face fell into a sad smile. “It means everything, Alexander. I don’t know how Mordecai will react to a Shadowhunter entering his forest. I can’t risk that you can withstand his magic. It’s as much for your protection as for preventing a volatile situation.”

“Fine. Don’t take me with you, but I will find a way. I will find someone to take me there, with or without your blessing.”

Magnus dropped his bag on the table and walked over to stand in front of Alec. He reached up and placed his hands along his face and ran his thumbs across his cheeks. “Sweetheart, I love you more than I know how to express, and I know you just want to protect me. Please allow me to do the same for you.” 

Alec shook his head. “I don’t think you know what you’re asking me. Twice, I had to watch you go to Edom. I was willing to die to be there with you. I can’t let you leave me behind. I just can’t.” Alec felt his eyes burn as his frustration built, and despite the openness of their relationship, he hated this vulnerability showing through.

“All right. We’ll go together.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but you have to do exactly as I say. He will not be pleased. If he has already come across Gregor, then there’s no telling how he’ll react. My goal is for a peaceful encounter.”

“Of course. But I will fight for you.”

“I understand. But I need you there as my husband, and not as a Clave representative. Can you do that?”

“I can,” Alec replied.

“All right then. Go get changed. You’ll need some warm clothes.”

Alec nodded and leaned in and brushed a kiss against Magnus’s cheek before heading back to the bedroom to change. “I’ll let you call my mom and break the news,” he called out over his shoulder.

The minute they stepped out of the portal, Alec could feel the drastic drop in temperature. He was used to the cold weather having lived in New York, but this was a different type of cold. He was normally aware of the variances of the weather and on some occasions, he could really feel it but never like this.

“Are you all right?” Magnus asked. Alec glanced over at his husband. Magnus was dressed in all black which was unusual for him to not have some element of color about him. The shirt and pants he’d selected looked comfortable but warm. Alec was pretty sure that he was using some form of magic to keep the clothing warm. He knew for sure when Magnus reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, and he felt a measure of warmth as well

“Yeah,” he said. “Thanks. Is this it?”

“Not yet. I wouldn’t be able to portal through his wards. We have to walk about a quarter mile in that direction.” Magnus nodded.

Alec looked around. They were standing in a forest, and he wasn’t sure how Magnus had been able to orient himself so well. It was a clear night, and the moonlight was reflected off of the snow making it easy for them to see.

They began walking in the indicated direction. Thankfully, the snow wasn’t too deep or soft, but it was still a slow trek. Alec didn’t often see this side of his husband. He was powerful and would go through great lengths for his people and never shied away from a battle. But to see him out in this forest, trudging through the snow was something different altogether. They didn’t talk. Whenever Magnus was quiet like this, Alec knew he was concentrating.

“Here. Give me your hand.” Magnus held out his hand towards Alec. “We’re about to cross through his wards.” 

Alec reached over and took his husband’s gloved hand into his own. He felt the magic as soon as he stepped through the wards. He wasn’t a stranger to the sensation. He would recognize the touch of Magnus’s magic anywhere, and he was becoming familiar with Catarina’s and Madzie’s as well. He recognized the overall sensation as well as the bearer. This, however, felt so terribly wrong. It was harsh and almost burning. He felt as if he had been shocked.

“Magnus? What just happened?” He’d passed through wards his entire life and had never felt anything like this.

“Mordecai’s wards are meant to be a deterrent. It’s infused with magic that actively works against your own innate abilities.”

“So, you’re feeling this?”

“I feel it’s presence,” Magnus clarified, “but this isn’t really strong enough to affect me like it does you. The intent is to bind the magic of the trespasser.”

“Am I powerless?” Alec asked, feeling more than a measure of panic begin to creep in despite feeling the energy from the runes he’d previously activated.

“Doubtful. As a Nephilim, your physiology is different. I imagine you’re going to be a little disoriented and not up to your usual level of prowess. What you’re feeling now may be the extent of it, but I can’t say for sure. I doubt the effects will lessen while we’re here, though.”

“And you?”

“I’m not powerless. I’m affected in the sense that I feel slightly weaker, but I am still able to take on Mordecai if need be. You know you don’t have to do this. We can step back outside the wards, and I can open a portal for you.”

“I’m not leaving you,” he said with a slight stutter. He’d tried to hold it in because he could see by Magnus’s frown that he was worried.

“Alexander, the symptoms you’re feeling might get worse,” Magnus cautioned. “And there may be some lingering effects once we return home. From what I can sense, I believe you’ll make a full recovery, but you may feel poorly for several days.”

“I’m not leaving,” Alec repeated. “We should probably get going.” He nodded up towards the sky. Clouds had settled in, and the wind was picking up. There was still some light, but the swirling snow was limiting their visibility.

“Very well.” Magnus held out his hand and took hold of Alec’s again.

Grateful for the connection, Alec followed him.

“How much further?” Alec shouted after a few minutes. The wind had picked up, and Alec couldn’t tell for sure, but it felt as if it was centered on them. “How does anyone find the flower in all this?”

“They don’t,” Magnus shouted back. “I doubt most people even make it this far. It’s why only the fool- hearty attempt this.”

“You did,” Alec reminded him.

“Yes, I did. I was young and headstrong at the time but fortunately smart enough to learn my lesson.”

“Are we close?”

“I really don’t know,” he replied. “I can’t tell if he has us walking in circles until we’re too weak to do anything, or if we’re actually pretty close.”

Alec wondered how they were supposed to find this young Warlock when they could hardly get their bearings.

Magnus had tried several times to track Gregor, but he hadn’t had any luck. Alec didn’t know what other options they had at this point. They were far enough into Mordecai’s space that turning back would also be time consuming, but they had no idea how much longer this would take. Magnus hadn’t been wrong when he said his symptoms would increase. Sharp barbs of pain stung him with each breath he took and every step he made.

He stumbled with his next step and went down to one knee. Magnus reached for him, and he could feel tendrils of warmth seeping under his skin.

“Don’t. Save your magic. I’m all right.”

“Alexander.”

I’m all right. Promise.” He pushed himself up to his feet. He refused to be a liability to Magnus. He could still feel the power from his runes and knew that he could fight. As long as he blocked out the pain and the distractions, he would be fine. “Let’s keep going.”

A few minutes later, Magnus pointed off to his left. “Over there.”

Alec looked over and saw the small cabin. “Is that where he is?” he asked, getting ready to summon his weapon.

“Doubtful, but we can take shelter there.”

Alec wished he knew more of what they were walking into, but he followed Magnus into the cabin. Once they were inside and out of the blustery wind, Alec felt a measure better but not by much. He was still chilled, and his body was starting to tremble from the combined cold and pain.

There wasn’t much to the place. There was a fireplace against the back wall and throw pillows and blankets on the floor in front of it.

“Well, it’s an olive branch.” Magnus went over to the fireplace and lit the logs that were resting inside the hearth. “Come here and let’s get you warmed up.”

Alec finished surveying the small building before joining Magnus in front of the fire. The newly ignited flames weren’t providing much heat in the cold room yet, but Alec was grateful for any bit of warmth.

“Let’s get you out of these clothes.”

Alec jumped back as Magnus reached for his jacket. “What are you doing? I can't take that off in here. Mordecai could show up at any minute.”

“And we need to get you warmed up, and the fastest way to do that is to get you out of these cold clothes. Just the top layers. I can't do anything for what you're feeling from the spell but being cold is most likely making it worse.”

The pain was getting worse. Alec stepped back close towards the fire and took off his jacket. He sat down and pulled off his boots as well while Magnus rearranged the pillows. Magnus came up behind him and bracketed his body, settling a blanket over him as he cuddled up against him.

Alec sighed and leaned back into the warmth of his husband. He felt keyed up and exhausted at the same time.

“Rest, my love. It will be a while before Mordecai will appear.”

“How do you know?”

“I imagine he has already encountered Gregor. He would have expended magic on him as well as what he used on us with the snow and wind. He’ll want to rest and recharge. He won’t want to approach us in a weakened state, and if he was trying to kill us, he would have tried to keep us out in the elements.”

“If Gregor is already gone, then what? What’s your plan for helping him, and how do you prevent this from happening again? If what we just went through isn’t enough to stop people from trying, how far will he go?”

“I hope he’ll tell me where Gregor is, and we can restore his memory. As for the rest, we’ll figure it out.”

Alec could feel himself drifting off and leaned forward and away from Magnus. He shook his head to try to wake up, but he felt so weighed down.

“Alexander, it’s all right.”

“It’s not. I can’t fall asleep right now.” He’d never fallen asleep on a mission, and he wasn’t about to start now.

“Sweetheart, your body needs to rest. You’re expending a lot of energy to try to counteract the spell. I promise it’s ok.”

It was getting worse. He felt a little better being inside, but he could tell the spell was wearing him down. Maybe sleep would help. Magnus wouldn’t stay here if he thought they were in any sort of danger. He wouldn’t risk their lives without telling him first. If their situations were reversed, he would also insist Magnus rest and recharge.

He allowed Magnus to pull him back into his embrace. “Just for a little while,” he muttered.

“Of course,” Magnus promised as he nestled his cheek against Alec’s.


	2. Chapter 2

“Alexander, it’s time.”

Alec opened his eyes. Magnus’s words filtered through his sleep fog, and he became instantly alert. 

He leaned forward and grabbed his boots. “How long?” he asked, reaching for his jacket.

“A few minutes at most,” Magnus replied. “How are you feeling?”

Alec rolled his neck and shoulders as he took stock. He felt a little better. The intensity of the pain had decreased somewhat, but it was definitely still there, coursing under his skin. He didn’t imagine he had much time before his symptoms would spike again. “I’m good. I’m ready.”

Magnus held out his hand. “Don’t summon your bow just yet. If Mordecai was coming to fight, he would not have alerted me to his presence.”

The front door to the cabin opened and in stepped an older man with white hair and a long white beard. He wore a heavy black robe that appeared to weigh down his slight frame. “How right you are, Magnus. I must say I never expected to see you here again.”

“Mordecai.” Magnus tilted his head in acknowledgment. “We mean no disrespect. We have only come for Gregor.”

“And why should I release him? The Warlock community is well aware of the fact that I do not welcome visitors, especially those with the intention of stealing from me. He knew his fate when he decided to cross my wards.”

“I do not disagree with you in that regard, but he is young. Surely an exception can be made.”

“And what about next time? What is to prevent other young and foolish Warlocks from coming here and attempting to become powerful by stealing from me?”

“Me,” Magnus replied.

“I let you go before, Magnus, and all it has done has inclined them to send you to plead their case. Nothing has changed.”

“This time will be different. Not only will I go back and tell them to stay away, but I will refuse to assist them in the future. And before I leave, I will help strengthen your wards.”

“And why should I believe you?” Mordecai scoffed.

“Because this precious blue flower is a symbol of the love you shared with your wife. To my knowledge, you have never used it for any purpose other than to grow it and care for it in remembrance of her. If anyone disrespected my memory of Alexander, I wouldn’t be as generous as you have been.”

Mordecai’s eyes widened, and he turned his gaze upon Alec.

Alec felt as if this was the first time Mordecai had even fully realized he was in the room. He didn’t know if it was a good thing that Magnus had called attention to him as Mordecai didn’t appear to be receptive to anything Magnus was saying.

“Aahh yes, the Shadowhunter. That was a bold move bringing him here.” 

“We’re a team,” Magnus replied with a simple shrug.

“So, I’ve heard. News travels, even all the way up here.”

“If you would be so kind as to assure Gregor’s safe return, I can assist you with the wards, and then we can be on our way.”

“I never agreed to your offer. Tell me, Magnus. What will you do should I decide not to accept?”

Alec resisted the urge to shift closer to Magnus. He stilled the twitch in his fingers that made him want to call his bow. He didn’t like this standoff, and the pins and needles sensation under his skin wasn’t helping. He would follow Magnus’s lead, but he needed this encounter to be over. 

“It wouldn’t be in your best interest to do so, Mordecai. The Warlock council is already displeased, and the Clave would not let any incident go without retribution.”

At the mention of the Clave, Alec could see the shift in Mordecai’s posture. He hadn’t felt that Mordecai was in a particularly compromising mood to begin with, and Magnus’s words appeared to erase any hint of patience from his features.

“I do not answer to the Clave! I do not answer to the Warlock council. If someone broke into your lair and stole from you, you would be justified in defending yourself. I refuse to endure this indignity any longer. Your trip here has been a fool’s journey.”

“I strongly urge you to reconsider.”

For over a hundred years, selfish people like yourself desecrate Millicent’s memory, all for the sake of power. Well, no more. As she was in life, my beloved is with me in death, lending me her power, the same power you all crave.”

“The bloom,” Magnus muttered at the same time Alec made the connection. “What have you done?”

“What I should’ve done from the very beginning. Gregor is gone. You may waste your time trying to find him, but by the time you do, the poison that I brewed from the flower will have ravaged him beyond any healing. And as for your Shadowhunter, his Nephilim blood was cursed the moment he crossed my wards. If your love is as true as you claim, I suggest you spend his final moments worrying about him instead of trying to bend me to your will.”

Alec wasn’t surprised. There had always been the possibility that Mordecai would not receive them well. It was the very reason he had insisted on coming with Magnus. He didn’t know how much time he had left. His mind began running through scenarios and possible options. The pain was getting worse as his adrenaline kicked up. He wanted to look at Magnus, but he refused to take his eyes off Mordecai. However, from his peripheral vision, he could see Magnus’s magic sparking from his fingertips.

“Release him!” Magnus demanded.

“You come into my domain and make demands upon me. You have not changed at all. Your arrogance will not be tolerated here.”

Alec could feel the change in the air as Mordecai and Magnus faced off. Alec summoned his bow and released his arrow before Mordecai could fully raise his hands to wield his magic. His aim was true, and his arrow pierced through the old Warlock’s hand. Mordecai screamed as he fell to his knees. He gripped his bleeding hand and started muttering as he glared at Alec.

Alec could not hear what Mordecai was chanting, but he heard Magnus scream right before his own body started convulsing. He lost his grip on his bow and fell to the ground. He could not control his limbs as he kept shaking. His vision blurred, and he couldn’t focus on anything happening in the room. He thought he was yelling for Magnus, but he wasn’t sure. He tried to turn over so he could see his husband and make sure he was all right, but his limbs would not cooperate. His vision started to fade out, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not stay conscious.

The next time Alec opened his eyes, everything hurt. His entire body ached, and his limbs felt heavy, but it was no longer the sharp stabbing pain from before. He tried to focus on his surroundings, but his vision was still blurry. He could only see patches of light and dark. He was no longer on the floor as he registered lying on a softer surface, but he couldn’t determine anything else. He tried to sit up and a strong wave of nausea had him gagging. He heard voices and hands holding him as he emptied the contents of the stomach. He thought he heard somebody call his name as he slipped back into unconsciousness.

The moment Alec opened his eyes, he remembered. And with those memories came the pain. It wasn’t as bad as before, but his entire body still ached. He saw that he was in their bedroom. He tried to look around for Magnus and couldn’t help but moan as his body protested the movement.

“Easy, Alec. You’re still recovering.”

“Jace?”

His parabatai moved closer to the bed so Alec could see him without too much effort. “Yeah. Just rest. You’re gonna feel like shit for a while.

“Where’s Magnus?” If he was home, then Magnus had to be the one to bring him here. So where was he now?

“He’s fine. He’s tying up some loose ends.”

Alec saw the non-answer for what it was. “What loose ends?” he rasped. His throat was raw and sore and hurt with each spoken word, but he needed answers. “What happened to Mordecai?”

“He’ll tell you everything once he gets back. He didn’t stick around to tell me all the details. Here, see if you can sit up enough to take a sip.”

He hadn’t realized how shaky he was until Jace had to help support him enough for him to take a sip of water. His body shook with the effort, and he collapsed back onto the pillows after just two swallows.

“Magnus. You don’t understand. Mordecai will try to kill him.” He tried to get up again, but he was too weak. It didn’t take much for Jace to nudge him back down.

“You’re in no condition to go anywhere. Besides, you need to stay under those covers so you can warm up.”

Alec realized in that moment that he wasn’t wearing any clothes, and that he was under a pile of heavy blankets, more than they usually kept on their bed. He still felt chilled, but that didn’t matter. He needed to make sure Magnus was safe. “Jace,” he tried again. “Magnus…” 

“Is fine,” Jace interjected.

“You wouldn’t do this if it was Clary,” Alec argued.

“You’re right,” Jace admitted, “but I’m not in love with Magnus, and I see him for who he is. Of course, I care about him, but I also trust him when he says he can handle things. He’s a powerful Warlock, Alec. And I also know there is no way he would ever jeopardize himself while you’re lying here unconscious.”

“And you would be right,” said Magnus as he came into the bedroom.

Alec leaned forward and tried to reach for him, only for Jace to place a restraining hand on his shoulder.

“Easy, my love.” Magnus came around and sat on the bed in front of Alec.

Jace stepped aside as Alec struggled to get his arms around his husband. Magnus leaned down into the hug. “I was so scared for you,” Alec muttered with his face buried in his neck.

“I know. I’m sorry that I had to leave. Jace, thank you for staying with him.”

“Of course. If you guys are good, I’m going to head out now.”

“We’ll call you,” Magnus said when Alec didn’t move.

He couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to loosen his hold on Magnus. He wasn’t ashamed of the tears that were filling his eyes, but he just wasn’t ready to let go. Magnus gave him a few more minutes before he tried to ease himself out of his embrace.

“Don’t go.”

“I’m not,” Magnus promised. “How about I join you? You still feel a bit cold.”

Alec nodded and reluctantly let go. He kept his eyes on Magnus the entire time his husband undressed and then slid into the bed next to him. Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec and pulled him close, their chests flush against each other and their legs entwined.

“You’re chilly,” Magnus said with a frown.

“Better now that you’re here.”

“I’m sorry I worried you, but your parabatai was right. Mordecai was handled before I brought you back to the loft.”

“What happened?”

Alec made a small noise of protest when Magnus pulled away. Magnus retrieved the glass of water and held it in front of Alec.

“Take a sip. You sound as if your throat is on fire. I’d give you something for it, but your body needs a break.”

Alec did as directed and the water did help. As soon as Magnus placed the glass back on the nightstand, Alec shifted closer. Magnus easily folded him back into his embrace. Alec tapped against his arm.

“Ok,” Magnus chuckled. “Once I realized what Mordecai was doing, I put a binding spell on him. I knew he wouldn’t willingly tell me how to break the curse on your or how to find Gregor, so I had to search his memories. He wasn’t prepared. He’d put everything into his attack on us that he had little energy left to resist.”

Alec was quiet for a moment before asking the question that had been nagging at him. “Did you kill him?”

“He wanted me to, but I didn’t. He’s at the Spiral Labyrinth now, and they’ll handle it. They’re also working to find Gregor. That’s why I left. I had already broken the curse on you, but I couldn’t leave you alone. Jace had sensed something was wrong and was already on his way over.”

Alec absorbed everything Magnus said. So many scenarios and what-ifs had been running through his mind, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it all. Of course, he was glad Magnus was safe, and it was all over, but he was still unsettled. And his husband knew him well enough to realize this.

“What’s wrong, my love?”

Alec gave a little shrug, still unsure how to put it into words. Magnus pulled back a little and reached out and tipped Alec’s chin up so their eyes would meet.

“Take your time, but don’t shy away.”

Alec knew Magnus would wait while he gathered his thoughts, but he didn’t know if he could adequately express them, not when he felt so confused.

“He never got over her. He lives an immortal life, each day mourning the loss of his wife. I used to be worried that you would forget about me …that you would need to see my arrowheads in your box to remember the life we had together. Now, I see the other side of that, what it could be like for you when I’m gone, and I don’t know what to do with this fear. I don’t know how to make any of it make sense.”

“I wish I had an easy answer for you. The thought of losing you paralyzes me at times. I’ve intertwined my life with yours. You are my husband, so I can only imagine the pain Mordecai endured. There is one significant difference, though. He isolated himself and drowned in his grief. I have Catarina and Madzie, and I would say it’s safe to say Simon will still very much be a part of my life as well. It wouldn’t be easy, but I wouldn’t be alone.”

He felt a little better but not much. The whole topic of immortality and losing each other never got easier no matter how many times they discussed it. Alec moved a bit, letting Magnus know that he wanted to cuddle back up against him. His husband seemed to understand he didn’t want to talk anymore and answered Alec’s unspoken request. Magnus shifted enough so Alec could burrow up against him. The warmth from his husband eased some of the chill from his body as well as his thoughts. Magnus was here with him now, and that’s what he needed to focus on.


End file.
